Written by Taran Bassi of MetroUK (with some snarky commentary from an affiliate of Scranberry Coop)
Finally the best season, aka autumn, is now upon us. People always get unfairly excited about the summer months, but in reality autumn is where the magic happens.
Instead of hit and miss weather, sweating issues, holiday envy and forced BBQs everywhere, you can instead bask in the sweet scent of pumpkin, be constantly warm and cosy by a fire, and relish in all the new TV shows.
There is basically nothing not to love about autumn.
(Go on Taran, impress us with your infallible list, but I’m not liking your tone about barbecues)
1. Hello decent weather
Okay so ‘decent weather’ and ‘autumn’ may not make sense right away, but hear us out. Summer time is always such a massive let down. The whole country desperately waits to hit 20 degrees, and as soon as it does there’s a hosepipe ban. Autumn doesn’t tease us like this. Instead it consistently delivers cool temperatures, with a refreshing breeze. Cheers.
(20 degrees celsius in the UK, where Autumn is apparently is a reliable mild, here’s to hoping that temperatures do not immediately drop to frigid ice in the North East!)
2. And good food
In the summer we’re told to be all about things like avocados, smoothies, salads and all things light and healthy. But not in autumn, because it’s all about the stodgy food down your local pub. In fact, the more cheese-and-potato-themed the better.
(You seen to have a distain for barbecues in the UK, for in America, WE EAT WHAT WE WANT WHEN WE WANT!)
3. Did someone say PSL?
Yes we know it’s terribly American and somewhat ‘basic’ but the beginning of autumn marks the return of the beloved Pumpkin Spice Latte. Instagram at the ready please.
(Terribly American? More like you should be thanking us Amerians! But yes, Instagram is great!)
4. Pumpkins in general
Probably the most jolly, fun and vibrant vegetable to ever grace your local supermarket. Plus excellent for soups and, of course, pumpkin carving.
(Have you ever stuck your hand into a pumpkin & regretted your life decisions afterwards?)
5. New TV shows
Obviously because it’s cold outside there is a bigger selection of TV to indulge in. Apart from new dramas, you can expect to see the return of X Factor, Strictly and GBBO. Can’t complain about that.
(This snarky commentator does not have cable & relies on a steady stream of Youtube, so I cannot relate!)
6. Cosy nights in
The summer months always forced you to head down to your nearest pub garden and sit outside mildly shivering while nursing a glass of lukewarm cider, and if you didn’t participate you were considered to be a killjoy. But autumn doesn’t make you partake in such sub-standard activities, in fact it’s all about staying inside, nice and snug, eating a cheese toastie. Nom.
(The summer months do not force anything upon you, & it sounds like you need to find a new pub to go to!)
7. Blankys galore
No more wasting money on rubbish little BBQ sets, and risking food poisoning every time you sink your teeth into a burger. You can now instead invest in blankets that will provide you with intense feelings of snugness and warm fuzzy feelings. Perfect.
(This is the second time you mention your distain for barbecues, & you need a better barbecue master to cook your burgers, like Lori for example!)
8. The darkness
Because it gets dark earlier you can get into bed by 7pm without being judged or having to install black out blinds, and without hearing any annoying little birds singing away.
(May I note that I personally typically go to sleep at 6 AM, & therefore appreciate the limited vitamin D that I actually do get during the summer… Plus, the birds are lovely, how dare you call them annoying!)
An excellent excuse to get drunk, wear fancy dress and even request strangers to give you sweets and chocolate. Basically an epic night out.
(Okay, I will not argue with you on this point in particular, EVERYONE HAIL TO THE PUMPKIN KING!)
10. Bonfire Night
Pass us all of the toffee apples as we watch different colours shoot around in the sky. Oh, and also go on some questionable fairground rides.
(Wait, questionable possibly fairground rides near bonfires? I’m concerned & intrigued at the same time!)
11. Crisp air
There is something so refreshing about stepping outside and taking a deep breath and the air is cool and sharp. None of this disgusting humid summer air, tinged with sweat and booze.
(I want to make a statement about how you are potentially playing into the alcoholic UK stereotypes!)
12. Better clothes
Gone is the focus on showing skin, and therefore you can relax and finally wear clothes that are comfortable and don’t require excessive body hair removal or visible sweat beads. Feel free to get out your most comfortable jumpers, scarves and big furry hats.
(You would be surprised how far people will go to show skin at any time of the year!)
13. No guilt
Due to the cold, there is quite simply no need to feel any sort of silly guilt anymore about missing social summer-themed gatherings. You no longer need to feel bad about wanting to stay in with a hot mug of soup, your favourite book and wooly socks rather than go to some picnic, which will be overrun by wasps.
(The guilt’s on you & a construct of your own mind, free yourself of your illusionary chains!)
14. The leaves
There’s something really pretty about seeing the leaves go orange, slowly fall off and then assemble into a big pile of reds, oranges and browns on the ground. Plus they make for the best Instagram pictures, especially if you’re holding a #PSL.
(Except when one has to rake an entire lawn of said leaves… Can we just burn all the leaves instead?)
15. Closer to Christmas
And who doesn’t love Christmas?
(BUT CHRISTMAS IS IN THE WINTER, what happened to point #9 about Halloween!? BLASPHEMY!)